As I write this, I’m smiling.
It’s 10:47 on a cold Wednesday night. On the show this morning, I talked about Dave Dennison and Jackie Sutton. They’re my newest favorite characters.
Ladies first. Jackie Sutton is a pseudonym for someone who posts stuff on Facebook about Lake County politicians. Jackie says stuff like “Hammond is a s---hole” and she ridicules local politicians. I haven’t read much of Jackie’s work, but it must be hitting close to home. Lake County prosecutor Bernie Carter and Sheriff Oscar Martinez have teamed up to get to the bottom of who Jackie Sutton really is.
The prosecutor and the sheriff have asked the state police to investigate. I am, in my own humble way, doing my part to assist in this investigation.
You know how I go out on Indianapolis Boulevard and broadcast live from 5:30 to 6 in the morning? I stand out there and yell “Big Truck” as big trucks roar by. I often yell it dozens of times. We live by steel mills and a refinery.
It really is an exhilarating experience. One or two of you can’t stand that I yell “Big truck.” The other two of you think it’s funny as hell. You can tell a lot about a person by whether they like “Big Truck” or not.
l like stupid.
That’s always been me.
If there’s a movie to watch
or a play to see,
I like it stupid,
I have changed my yells this week. Instead of yelling “big truck,” I joined the investigation.
“Are you Jackie Sutton?’
“Are you Jackie Sutton?”
That’s what I yell now. I yell it at cars, not trucks.
“Are you Jackie Sutton?”
Every morning, this guy in a white SUV blows his horn. It sounds like a big snort.
“Ohhhhhh, you are not Jackie Sutton,” I say as a baby bird might say it. “You are a snort.”
Thus far, I have been unable to assist in the investigation of Jackie Sutton. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t think about her. I hypothesize that she would make a perfect mate for Dave Dennison.
Now if you’ve been watching the news, and I know you have, you know that Dave Dennison is reported to be an alias for president Donald Trump. A porn star says the president used this alias in lining up a non disclosure agreement (NDA). There are all sorts of stories going around. The most credible is that Trump and this porn star, Stormy Daniels, had a dalliance. To keep Stormy from talking about it before the election, someone gave her 130 grand. She had to sign the NDA, which had “David Dennison” on it.
It’s a complicated story. The thing to note that is right now, as we speak, #PresidentDennison is the number one hashtag on Twitter.
As I said, I am writing this to you with a smile. I am thankful to our president, Stormy Daniels, and the candidates in the race for sheriff of Lake County. You make me smile. I can’t wait to stand on Indianapolis Boulevard in a few hours:
“Are you Jackie Sutton? Have you seen Dave Dennison?”
As mentioned, I like stupid. I like stupid movies. I especially like stupid literature. Do you know who F. Scott Fitzgerald is? Of course you do. He wrote “The Great Gatsby.”
Did you know that “Gatsby” wasn’t close to being Fitzgerald’s best work? That claim goes to “The Pat Hobby Stories.”
You should read “Pat Hobby Does His Bit.” Hobby needs to borrow some money to keep his car from getting repossessed. He sneaks on to a film shoot to ask one of the actors he gambles with. During the shoot, Hobby accidentally appears on camera. Producers don’t realize it until later. The main actress has flown back to England, so they have to make Hobby an actor in the movie. It’s hilarious. You’ll laugh your ass off.
It’s even funnier than “You know me, Al” by Ring Lardner.
… I got off track. I keep thinking about Jackie Sutton and Dave Dennison having a drink in the back booth at Freddy’s. I’ve completely forgotten to tell you about an interesting phone call I got tonight.
I have a final tomorrow in graduate Marketing. I studied all day on Breakeven Analysis, Customer Lifetime Value and Product introduction calculations. I’m as lost as a little bird trying to find his mother.
So when Alexis came home, I asked her a simple question.
“Wanna go to Giovanni’s?”
She answered in the affirmative. This explains the garlic you smell. Halfway through dinner, my phone rang. I used to write for The Times newspaper, so I recognized the number.
“This is Dan Reardon with The Times. Got a minute?”
Reardon told me that Betty Dominguez, who is running for sheriff of Lake County, has filed a complaint with the Lake County Election Board that involves The Times and WJOB.
“Are you my mother? No, you are not my mother. You are a snort.” Anyways, here’s a passage from the article that Reardon just posted.
Dominguez claims Martinez is improperly promoting his election with taxpayer money through a March 4 advertisement in The Times of Northwest Indiana seeking sheriff's department job applicants and a recent WJOB radio show and video, that the sheriff's department pays for, featuring an "Oscar Martinez for Lake County Sheriff" political logo.
…WJOB owner Jim Dedelow said Wednesday night the graphic appearing was an error on the station's part.
Oops. A WJOB producer put up a logo on Facebook Live that said “Oscar Martinez. Sheriff.” Like the producers in “Pat Hobby,” we didn’t realize until later that there was an extraneous character on the screen. It was really little, but if you look real hard, you can see the word “for” between “Oscar Martinez” and “Sheriff.”
Outside of getting our asses dragged to the principal’s office, we may not be able to charge the sheriff’s office for the show.
Or can we?
We complied with FCC regulations on radio. The question is – what are the rules when it comes to Facebook Live video? That’s where the now infamous graphic appeared. Are there specific rules regarding logos that appear underneath candidates on Facebook Live video?
This is an interesting legal and regulatory question. I don’t know what the answer is. But this situation further illustrates what I’ve been saying. Unless something changes, eventually, all electronic media will go to the internet. It’s partly because the internet is better than radio or TV at two-way communication.
But it’s also because radio and television are regulated to the hilt. Facebook is not. Smart money and the Russians go where there’s less regulation.
That should be enough for this morning. Jackie Sutton is still on the loose. Dave Dennison wants her. And I have still not found my mother. Good night.