Women, women everywhere... and not a drop to drink.
Or is it more like? - I used to chase women. Now they find me... on the radio. And like the red wheelbarrow, that has made all the difference.
I really don't wanna be known as the Midwest's Alan Alda. I mean, I like women and all. But I'm a man and in the end I wear socks two days in a row and can't see my junk without bending over. And all my friends are guys, really.
The seven women in a morning started with my wife, which is of course appropriate. I woke in the dark and walked down the backstairs - in the dark - and opened the kitchen door (in the dark) and then in the dark nearly had a heart attack at the refrigerator door.
"Oh hi, I was trying not to scare you," she said.
And since she hasn't been up with me at four in the morning in a couple of years - and since I don't know how to cook - Alexis made me two eggs and a piece of sourdough toast. Woman #1 in my life also contributed several suggestions about what I should talk about on the air today.
Around 5:49am, while I was babbling on the air about sumpin or another, I watched a white sedan pull into the parking lot of the Purdue Commercialization Center, and out popped Verlie Suggs. Woman #2. Verlie Suggs used to talk for eight years on WLTH but they have new owners now. She joins me every other Tuesday as co-host.
"I've been dealing with weak men all my life," she told a male caller today. "Deal with it."
Woman #3 would be author Denise Brown to talk about National Caregivers Month. Denise hosts a popular website - Caregiving.com - for people who care for parents, kids, friends, church members, or anyone who needs it. You'd be surprised how many people (men and women) called to tell their story about caring for a loved one. One guy said his 27-year-old son got in a car wreck in February and that now he and his wife are nearly 24-hour caregivers. They need a place to go sometimes. Let's hope Caregiving.com can help.
Woman #4 would be Jean Keslin, who's worked with me for ten years. Jean takes care of our web stuff and in her spare time for the past ten years Jean's been caring for her parents or her partner Phil's parents. Jean knows a lot about what she says is the "guilt, resentment, anger" of being the primary caregiver, and of course the isolation. Jean brought Denise in to the studio.
After the caregiving segment, Michelle Quinn, writer for the Post-Tribune, joined Verlie and me and we talked about a bunch of things, including why Republicans swept the nation in last week's elections. Verlie and Michelle (who is of course woman #5) were also out at the big forum on minority hiring in the Hammond police department. That subject of course ignited phone calls, including one from crotchety MadMac that descended into a shouting match.
Maybe MadMac could use some sensitivity training when it comes to women. Do you think I could teach that course?
Woman #6 is Angela Moore, the head of marketing for St. Catherine Hospital. Besides being the pride of Hammond Morton High School, Angela has been one of the biggest supporters of WJOB throughout the years. Every couple of weeks St. Catherine's does a paid show at 8:30, and every time Angela looks like a deer in the headlights when I start talking. She carries a healthy dose of fear that I will cross the line with my rather edgy humor. Rightfully so, I suppose.
Today, though, I held back. Maybe it's because there were so many women around. Angela brought with her woman #7, nurse Virginia Aita Shia and we talked about obesity, diabetes, and that most dreaded of all terms - "lifestyle change." The latter is a way to delay diabetes and most likely live longer. But if I had a nickel for every time I've sat buttoning my shirt in a doctor's office (men and women doctors) listening to a lecture about how I need a "lifestyle change...." Of course I nod earnestly as if I know what "lifestyle change" means and that I will be diligent in pursuing one. But on the way home I often stop at Munster Donut for a Vanilla-iced long john and two whole milks. Seven women, one day. Deal with it.