It’s more likely to happen
if you get bolder.
On the way to the store,
don’t be a bore
or you’ll wind up shopping
in the canned vegetable
aisle all by yourself.
Tonight, I am bewildered. And it’s not coming from inside me or from someone close to me. It’s coming from forces really far away. I can’t put my finger on it, but I can tell that the meat in the refrigerator has started to go bad. From this day forward, it shouldn’t be eaten.
President Trump met with President Putin in Helsinki today and in a press conference made a stinky. Our president basically took the side of the Russian president over our own intelligence community. You know, the people who put their lives on the line to keep us safe from the world.
But who keeps us safe from ourselves?
Scream for the winners.
Scream for everyone else.
If it wasn’t for greed and the
need to be liked,
we’d all be drinking out of a
I wish like hell that Kurt Vonnegut was still alive. Did I ever tell you that he grew up in Indianapolis? He’s a Hoosier, just like you and just like me. We love each other, us Hoosiers.
Now that’s a granfalloon if I ever saw one.
Old Kurt would have been able to write a poignant satire about the American people falling asleep at the wheel while our version of an emperor “colludes” with a foreign power to create an autocratic state. I guess, as an American and more importantly a Hoosier American, it wouldn’t be so bad if we were the ones driving the autocraticmobile. But if it was, say, Russia, China, or even Brazil, that wouldn’t be so great. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know any Russian or Chinese. I can speak a little Spanish, but that wouldn’t do a whole lot of good in Brazil. They speak Portuguese.
Anyways, old Kurt could have done it with style and a cocktail in his hand. He could have written a story that would make us all realize that we are under some sort of spell. The ludicrous is normal. The inane is not insane. The outrageous becomes boring. Reality and fiction melt into one big fruit salad with watermelon, pineapples, grapes and these little bits of white fruit you can’t quite tell what they are.
Next thing you know, if old Kurt were around, we’d read his book and it would all become clear to us what is happening in the world. Right now, all is not so clear.
“Open Treason.” That’s what the front page of tomorrow’s New York Daily News is gonna say. There’s this theory that what Donald Trump did today is treasonous. Alexis and I just watched all sorts of former heads of the CIA and deputy thisses and deputy thats talk about “high crimes and misdemenors.” In other words, after Trump’s confidential meeting with Putin and the disastrous press conference, the pundits are asking if old Donald hasn’t sold America on down the line.
Old Kurt. Old Donald.
They’ve both been to Tonawanda.
It’s near Buffalo.
if you have to go,
bring a swimsuit.
They’ve got a lot of indoor pools there.
On the other hand, what if Donald Trump is simply parroting Muhamed Ali? I’m old enough to have watched in 1974 when the former Cassius Clay laid against the ropes and let George Foreman beat the hell out of him. All sorts of observers proclaimed that Ali had lost his mind, that he was throwing the fight.
“Ali looked like a man leaning out his window trying to see something on his roof,” George Plimpton wrote. Some thought Ali would get killed.
And then Ali punched back. He beat the crap out of Foreman in late rounds to be champion of the world. Maybe we’re not giving Donald Trump enough credit. Maybe he’s smarter than all of us, even Putin.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s the biggest Rope-a-Dope in the history of the human race.
A fog of confusion
A daze of epic proportions.
On nights like these, I just want
to eat half a watermelon
then go to bed complaining
about how full I am.
Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up and have to talk about this on the radio. I sincerely wish that I could work myself up into a fit like so many are doing right now on the telly.
“This is a disgrace,” Lt. Col. Ralph Peters said. “We have a president who is betraying us.”
The Russians, on the other hand, are saying that the Hellstinky summit went “better than super.” They obviously don’t understand the intricacies of the English language. And they most likely haven’t watched the Rumble in the Jungle. If they had, they wouldn’t be saying that.