It’s 5:51 in the evening and as soon as I finish writing to the three or four of you, I’m gonna walk downstairs and drink 48 ounces of colon cleanser.
And then I’m gonna do it again in the middle of the night. Then I plan to do my morning radio show on the way to a colonoscopy. There’s a good possibility that I will soil myself, but it’s about time to get a new chair for the studio anyhows.
This all came about because of Ally Novotny. She’s the gal whose husband died tragically of prostate cancer at 57. Ally called me several times on the air to see if I’d gotten my PSA test done. Eventually I got so tired of the question that I got the test done. It’s fine, but a series of cascading events led to me getting the silver stallion tomorrow.
I’m 55, you see, and evidently when you turn 50 you’re supposed to get a colonoscopy to see if there’s any Cracker Jack toys left up there. My brother’s a doctor and he joined the cacophony of voices urging me to get this done. By talking about “Colonoscopy Week” on the air, perhaps one guy will get it done and they’ll find some cancer early and will be able to save him… all because of the rather pesky Ally Novotny who wouldn’t leave me alone.
My quandary hasn’t escaped the attention of MX Cartoons, which came up with the accompanying meme. One day they’ll get tired of making fun of my hairy back, although I don’t think it’s going to be anytime soon.
It’s not, by the way, the first time I’ve had a colonoscopy. Twenty years or so ago I was going through a particularly bumpy time in the pits of the Chicago Board of Trade and was having, ahem, “BM” issues. So the doc called for a colonoscopy.
That was then, this is now. Evidently tomorrow they’re gonna put me to sleep before they jam the silver stallion up my backside. This will be a huge improvement from 20 years ago when they didn’t put you to sleep at all. They also hadn’t evidently discovered lubrication and, for some reason, they kept the silver stallion in a meat locker all night.
By the way, it’s “Colonoscopy Week” because my buddy Wayne Micka – the oldest intern in the history of WJOB – had his done today. Here’s what that loser texted me:
“I got a Groupon. Same tube, half price. They use it on me today and then you tomorrow.”
Ha ha. Allz I know is that by blogging about this to the three or four of you and talking about it on the air tomorrow perhaps we can bring awareness to both of the things a 50-year-old guy should have done, a PSA test and a colonoscopy.
… In other parts of My Radio Life, it got pretty ugly on the show this morning about Griffith basketball. Al Hamnik, the dean of sportswriters in Indiana, grew up in Griffith and played basketball there.
“I dunked at the Civic Center,” Al told me once, but I don’t believe him. Al told me something this morning, however, that I do believe.
“I’m embarrassed. Totally embarrassed.”
That’s what Al said when I asked him how he felt about Griffith basketball right now. It comes out that a Griffith basketball player was alleged to have hit a woman over the head with a baseball bat on November 5th… and then went on to play the season for the Panthers. After it was all over, the case is playing out in court now.
“As soon as this came out, it should have been NO ATHLETICS for the kid,” Al said.
“People are gonna talk about this for a long time,” Al said. “I also blame the IHSAA (Indiana High School Athletic Association). They should have been up here investigating.”
This of course prompted several angry phone calls, all of which denounced Griffith and the IHSAA for letting the kid play and for other things. Al summed up – “I hope we haven’t heard the end of this. Somebody could have lost their life.”
… Two boycotts quietly came to an end yesterday.
In the first, there was an uprising from a number of callers about me having Verlie Suggs co-host with me on Tuesdays. Verlie is black and rather opinionated. Several of my white and rather opinionated callers called for a boycott of my show as long as Verlie was with me.
Several called in yesterday. We talked. Boycott over.
Also, I had on the show Lake County Commissioner Mike Repay. He too had been boycotting me. A couple years ago Mike had said he wouldn’t let a county income tax go through, but when he had a chance to veto one that was passed by the county council, Mike sat silent.
Mike took a lot of heat for that on WJOB, and he blamed me for it. It’s not the first time that a local elected leader didn’t like what I was saying on the air, and it won’t be the last. If you’re doing your job right – and you have at least a workable sense of humor – you’ll actually piss off a lot of elected officials over the years.
Oh well. I’m glad that Mike decided to come back to WJOB. Several people have asked me why he did. I have no idea. I’m just glad that it happened. I used to interview his dad back in the 1980s when he was on the Hammond City Council, and Mike’s brother Dan is a good friend of mine… good enough that he donates his time to announce a ton of high school basketball games. It was just time for Mike to return to WJOB… for everyone’s sake.
… That oughta do it for tonight. Alexis is at a Haven House board meeting for a couple more hours. It’s as good a time as any to take my first swig of Supra Prep. Another Thousand Words. See ya.